the end.

This just may be it. I can't say it's any easier. I won't be able to sleep tonight. I think it's that I expect him to care, that's what hurts the most, the fact that he doesn't. Here's to starting all over again. maybe I'll find mr.right for real. It won't be easy, I feel like no one is trustworthy. If he wasn't, who is?

get over yourself.

I'm being overdramatic. But, I'm not so sure what about. I can't escape the feeling of sadness and fatigue. I have the inability to be comfortable in my skin. I wonder how much longer until I lose the last of what I have left in my life. The only two who matter, are trying to push each other out. It's a war of he said she said and sneakyness. I just want life to stop moving without me. I want it to stay in place and wait. I hate sitting at home alone. I have nothing left because I revolved my life around him. It's sad that I gave my life away already. It's just so hard to adjust. It's hard to feel wanted, desired, and loved when phone calls are ignored and text messages with hearts and i love you's aren't received. It's numbing me a little. I'm not so sure about marriage anymore. I want it, more than anything... but I'm not 100% sure it will end up down that path. Sometimes I feel I'll never marry. I blame myself. I wear too much make-up, I'm too fat, I don't dress nice, my hair is never done, my room is always a mess. I feel good for nothing. I have so much to do. My room needs to be cleaned and I need to start all my homework (which is a lot). I'm too sad to do anything. I'm too tired to do anything. All I ever want to do is sleep my day away. I try so hard not to wake up in the morning. I think I'll actually go to bed now.