LOL. not even worth this sentence.



...I kissed a friend tonight; I liked it but I'm worried it would ruin a really cool friendship.

i've been living a lie. well, i know i'm better than this. he can stick his dick wherever the fuck he wants. is it whorish that i just want to fuck a hot guy right now?

this is the first time this year that i'm not going to make you mad.

Last night was incredible. Crime In Stereo, Four Years Strong, A Day To Remember, and New Found Glory. Such a great time. It's not everyday where a bunch of your favorite bands play a show altogether. Every band was fantastic. Saw some friends, saw some enemies. I haven't been so excited and jumping around singing to a band since a couple years ago. It was refreshing. My body is aching a lot. I wish I took a picture from last night. Just to remind me in the future of great it was. Nicole almost fought a whore. I got in a fight with Jeff, of course.

I really do not see the point in fighting anymore, but he was being a little crazy. So, I walked away and left him alone. Eventually we texted each other, and I ended up going over his house. Lately every time I've seen him, things have felt different. When we kiss... it feels new again, and full of meaning. I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach. It's strange because I feel like I'm going through the whole "crushing" phase again, but... we went through that, and the things we do together.. we wouldn't be doing at crushing status. I don't know how to explain it. It's so strange. I don't really know what's going to happen.. but I'm in no rush to find out. I want to tell him I have a crush on him and that he makes me smile and I get excited to see him.. but I'm pretty sure he knows I love him, and of course he makes me smile, and of course i'm happy when I see him. Strange.

OPHoly shit. He was completely right on target; I was completely wrong. INSANE. EYE OPENING.

I bought two books today, and a new toy. The books to help me find myself, to help understand myself, and to fix myself; so I can be a happier, better me. The toy was to cheer me up for now. It worked. :) So, I can't get used to reading fiction, I just don't like it. However, I love self help, photography, and fashion. So, I will read more about those topics! Here's to broadening my intelligence.

I feel like I'm worth a lot. I'm a hard working, caring, friendly, spirited, trusting girl. Who happens to be pretty good in bed. I think I'm a pretty good package. I'm feeling I've been disrespected, a whole lot and taken for granted.

I had one boy asking me out;
another asking me to show my boobs and how nice they looked in a bathing suit (WTF?)
and another asking me out
and another who is concerned about me.

and here i am wallowing over someone who wouldn't give a fuck if i got drunk and drove.

Sometimes I draw. There's a whole lot of meaning behind this, but no one will ever know.
http://i38.tinypic.com/28kk6kg.jpg

I'm not crazy; I'm just really sad. It's so hard being on call for him. I feel used. I want to be appreciated. God.. I can't wait to hit 21 so i drink away my thoughts. I want to be a thoughtless mess.

I can't blame anyone but myself for putting myself in these situations; He's just so damn believable. I was going to leave, but he grabbed me. It was the first time he's ever attempted to stop me from leaving. Maybe I'm pretending it meant more than what it really was, but it convinced me to keep trying. I know I'm going to cry again one day soon.