Death + Taxes shoot

...with Metric went pretty well. The magazine will be out in a month or two and that's when I will get to see the images. Here's my plus/delta.

( + )
amazing location! (http://www.welcometomeet.com)
Metric.
beautiful photos! great outfits, lighting, expressions, poses.
Jon joined me as my carry assistant and travel company.
fun, wonderful experience.

( - )
didn't warm up too much
had tinted moisturizer on so i couldn't do what i wanted complexion wise
red lips for a spring released mag. errrrrrrrr.

it was actually no real deltas cause it was one of the coolest things i've done.
but a slight adjustment in my concerns would have made it awesome haha.

so here it is, the aftermath:
the one day of falling back in love has died down.
i still want to get away from you.

also;
great news! I'm shooting with the band Metric on Friday morning. Wow, my first celebrity!

valentine's day;

is a pretty stupid and fucked up holiday.
7:30 am still drunk after incredible everything.
the worst is always saying goodbye, because the feelings have to be cut short and brushed aside again. You also have to deal with the guilt which will probably take it's toll on me.

It was unplanned, but the third with the only one who will ever mean anything. I hate him for it. He's an addiction I can't seem to give up. Once I have a small taste, I simply want more. Kissing and sexing him is like a drug. I can't stop wanting to do it again now that the deed has been done again. This is just plain stupid. I have you, and I know you know it. Why are we fighting this? Why are we trying to let the other think we have nothing left for each other?

Dear anti-valentine;
You already lost. Be mine.
(Besides, we are hot as hell together.)

21!

Incredible. I hit twenty-one years old. I am extremely proud of what I have become, I feel grown and matured and I made it with my head on straight. I've accomplished a lot for my age and I'm excited to see what else there is. So many more memories to be created, so many more questions and answers to arise. It's exciting. I'm not as scared as I had thought I'd be. Good.

The party was great for what I remember, but that's supposed to happen on your 21st, right? I just know I had a blast and I am never drinking that much liquor again. I spend my life with some amazing individuals and anyone that means anything to me was there.

I got my tattoo started on the 29th. It's something I'm not used to yet, I catch it in the mirror and I still get a little shocked. I love it, though. It really has a lot of meaning behind it and the song my lyrics are from really helped me keep my head high through all of the bullshit heartbreak I had to go through. And it's there forever to remind me to never let myself fall into a situation like that again.

On to... that;
I believe him forgetting my birthday and not even stopping by to wish me a good one was the tip of the iceberg. I don't want to get myself involved in his bullshit anymore. I put everything on the table and finally said my goodbyes. No more hidden intentions. No more wishful thinking. It's all out and finalized and done. Sealed shut. I guarantee that this isn't the last of him, that we'll talk again one day or run into each other, but I'm counting on it being very far away from now. There is no need for us to be 'friends' when there really is no friendship or reason for keeping me around.

That leads me to this;
I cannot find an attraction to anyone. I fucking hate you idiots that text me bullshit and I hate you idiots that ask me out on a date. Sometimes I think I like someone, but that dies quick. I'm back to post exex-boyfriend, pre ex-boyfriend. I'm tired of saying "next, next, next..." so quickly. I feel like I've already run out of cute boys cause I can't seem to enjoy any of their company for more than a week. I want to say "leave me alone", but I miss the affection of having a boyfriend. Especially with this wretched holiday valentines day coming around the corner. ugh, put a fucking bullet in my head.