So, I have given up on myself. I've become "that girl". The one who jumps when told to with no questions asked, at the risk of starting another battle. I realize that I am the one at fault. It's what I deserve for asking "why?". The answers are never what I wish they would be, just exactly what I know they are. I never realized what a hopeful person I am. I kept looking around for change but all I did was lose myself. It's sad.. because I'm alright with it. I'm perfectly fine. It's sad because even though I'm still crying, it's not all the time. It's sad because I'm dealing with being less important than everything else to the one person who means the world to me. It's sad because when I told him I'd take a bullet for him, I actually meant it. And what makes things even sadder, is that after being proven not to mean as much, I still would. To make matters worse, that doesn't mean anything in anybody's eyes other than I have quite possibly gone crazy, or that I'm pathetic. I'm dealing with these feelings though, and I'm trying to stop being upset about it. I'm fine.

I just miss being special.