Here's a real entry

So; tonight is the night that life picks back up for me. Unfortunately, it's going to slow right back fucking down but it's okay for now. I'm going to a party tonight and I'm really counting on it to boost up my mentality and mood. I'm not feeling ugly though. For once in my lifetime I feel so fucking pretty. I like how I look, I think I'm special and unique; I dress nice and always smell pretty. :] I don't take as long as I used to to get ready anymore too! (That's actually a major accomplishment!) Oh, and I don't feel the need to shop all the time anymore HAHA.

I'm not so sure why I still feel so down if it's not so much my physical looks. I'm not so offended about being rejected for the millionth time anymore, because I have no reason to be. I know what I am and I am certainly better. The fact that somebody doesn't notice yet makes it his loss, not mine. I do however, feel a little dumb. I always thought I was able to hold down a conversation, but I've realized I really can't. I don't keep up with the important and the dumb shit in the world;* it's a shame. Not because I care, because I have nothing to tell anyone. What I can offer, like a smile at a joke or an ear to listen to, is not enough. I listen, I hug, I laugh, I cry... I don't have useless information or bad jokes to tell and I don't have good advice to give. Soo, when I do talk.. I'm usually talking about how my day went, what I saw, what I did, what I heard. I suppose that's even more useless than talking about what I learned from the news. Fuck, I'm always wrong.

*I've got a newfound love for the semicolon; I always use it and it makes me happy for some reason.