nothing is wrong, but I feel so sad. I need a hug, but I don't want anyone to touch me. I've realized I was desperate for attention when I agreed to let an ex take me out. I refuse to call it a date, but who am I kidding. We all know it is going to feel like one, and when he leans in for the kiss I'm going to have to think of a quick excuse to back down. "I have a cold sore" might work. What do I care if it sounds gross? Or maybe I could just wear a bright lipstick.

Nothing is making sense. I'm dieing to go back to the psychic (even though being there scares the living crap out of me). I wish I could prove fate wrong, and change the way my life ends up. I want to ask about how his life will turn out. I want to know if he'll me a miserable person for the rest of his life. I hope not. I can't ever stop wondering how his life will unravel. If his family will make it through hard times. If any of them will get some fucking sense in their heads.

My mom told me a year ago, "get out of the relationship, a boy with these issues will eventually be emotionally unstable and it will take it's toll on you." I told her she was wrong.

I realized today that this break-up and the fighting has ruined me. Hopefully just temporarily. I'm always feeling weak and tired; fragile. Nausea has become a regular. So angry. The guy in GNC told me I'm "definitely the person who sees the glass half empty", and it really hurt my feelings. I was never that person. I was always the hopeful.