theres so much i want to say to jeff... that I just can't. So much stuff, but I know he just doesn't care. There are times, like now, when I miss him so fucking much. I ran into a message he left me, and omg.. the words "i love you always", it was unreal seeing it. It broke my heart all over again. I wish he didn't forget who I was. I wish he remembered me before all of the fighting started. I still blame myself to this day. watching him change into this monster was probably the worst experience of my life to date, and I still mourn over the boy i loved and the memories we created together. I still remember all of them, he doesn't. It's so hard to accept that he is happy with someone else, and creating new memories and saying i love you's.

but i won't be fooled. this feeling of sadness and nostalgia isn't here often. I'm living my life.. trying to keep away from boys because none of them are good enough for me. I just need to get some sleep.