fuck it, right?

So, the end. I felt strong at first. But now I'm sobbing like a baby. This could have been avoided, it was such a stupid reason to fight. If both of us just kept our mouth's shut. If I hadn't turned around, things would have been talked over in my room. It is my fault. I made a mistake, but I can't be the one to always run back. I need to know he cares. I need to know he wants this. I was willing to change for him, but he wasn't willing to change for me. There was no in between. It was all me or nothing. So I guess this is why I'm at nothing. God closes one door and opens another, right? It's so hard to see some truth in that. There's no one else I want. I should have fucked him last night. I told him "tomorrow". How was I to know I'd never feel his touch again. Those perfect hands, his neck, his shoulders and arms. This is heartbreak like no other because I know it's for real this time. Maybe being alone will do me some good. I'll save my money and move away. I wish I didn't love him. I wish I never met him. I wish I never saw him. I wish I could erase him from my memory. I know he'll be there and in my heart for the rest of my life. This is so hard.